Great-full

Malam itu, lagi merasa diri kurang atas 'apa-apa' yang belum tercapai. Mengeluh sesaat atas keadaan diri, bertanya-tanya apa mungkin ada yang kurang dengan apa yang saya punya?

lalu untuk menghilangkan perdebatan di kepala, buka tumblr dan ga sengaja ngeliat video ini.

 

Dari video itu (dan video-video lainnya--check his youtube) ngeliat bagaimana anak-anak spesial itu berinteraksi, dan ternyata banyak hal-hal simpel yang bikin mereka bahagia, bersyukur dan bangga terhadap diri mereka sendiri bikin saya senyum dan nangis di saat bersamaan. Bikin kayak disetrum. 

Gila, kehidupan sehat macam gue ini, gue masih ngeluh juga, dan masih ngerasa unlucky juga, ah terlalu!

Semacam langsung dikasih liat dan jawaban sama Allah :( dan malem itu, langsung mewek abis-abisan. Saya yang kufur nikmat ini, saking baiknya Allah, langsung ngasih tau bahwa dunia ini terlalu sempit untuk dijadikan bermuram durja. Terlalu sempit untuk ga menjadi bermanfaat buat orang lain. Astagfirullah. Maaf ya Allah. Terlalu sibuk ngitungin kelemahan tapi lupa sama apa yang perlu disyukurin.

Lesson #1 There’s always something to be thankful for.

Here is a rule to remember when anything tempts you to feel bitter: not, “This is a misfortune,” but “To bear this worthily is good fortune.”
– Marcus Aurelius

Lyfe

I’ve been juggling with – what should I reach on this stage age- okay, I know, comparing yourself is not a good things. But when your close friends already reach theirs, then you’re gonna start to think, when is my time. I keep reminding myself that Allah timing is better. But facing those things wholeheartedly is very very different story. You know, it’s not as easy as it sounds.*easier said than done, uh?

So when you had the chance, and you thought, okay, maybe this is the time, no more denying my feeling then things went wrong, or maybe not as smooth as I expected. 

I was stress. I was confuse. I was upset. I was sad. I was feel unfortunate. I was asking, whhyyy God, whyy.

But what funny is, when I sat next to my mom on the car,

Mom: are you catch a cold?

Me: no

Mom: are you getting cough? Or dizzy?

Me: no

Mom: ...

Me: what? Something weird or do I look tired so much?

Mom: no, you smell differently.

Me be like: Smell? What?!?

Mom explained, she has such a sensitive nose, can detect correctly if someone getting catch a cold, or dizzy, or stressed, or maybe you just tired, she said.

I smile.  

I mean, I am not physically sick, but mentally tired. Is that so obvious? :')
And what funny is my mom can smell it, haha, literary smell. #buibukpower

So when Ramadhan comes, I feel I need to bring myself closer to God, because this is the good timing, eventhough I still haven’t found the meaning yet of what recently happened to me, but ikhlas first is the top thing to do. When you expect nothing but Allah.

Fortunately, this is the 6th day of Ramadhan, and I feel blessed, sometimes I stumble upon on the quote or ayat in Quran that sooo related to me, it feels like Allah wants to communicate with me, He wants to tell me, everything is going okay and all I just to do is believe.

Allah is here.

Allah is near.

Bismillah.